


Everything

by Manaya_Karyam



Category: Totally Spies
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, kinda gay, warning suicide implied mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 15:46:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7763704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manaya_Karyam/pseuds/Manaya_Karyam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is this how hurt/comfort works?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything

Hour 1  
Alex couldn't breathe through so much pain.  
I mean, she was being very silly since there was actually nothing wrong. And really she could breathe perfectly fine.  
Anyway, she wanted to slice her guts out with a butterfly knife and slam her head into a bathroom mirror.  
She sat still and looked without focus up at the luggage racks.  
It was all very weird and very dumb.

 

Hour 2  
She wasn't actually reading but it felt better to hold the book and imagine she would get back to it soon.  
Her eyes were glassy and angry.  
Her stomach was boiling. Her heart was throbbing.  
But it was fine. The only thing that wasn't fine was everything. It just didn't make any sense. Or she just didn't want to think about it any more.

 

Hour 3  
Seat Next Door heard her mumbling something.  
He listened.  
_I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die._  
"You afraid of flying? Girl, I promise it's safe."  
"Oh..." Alex whispered, throat dry. "I didn't mean it like a prayer. Uh... I'm just trying to convince myself it's true."

 

Hour 4  
It should have been over, it should have been over, it should have been over. The plane landed. They were in baggage claim. And waiting on the curb. and driving home. Alex went dead inside. It didn't stop the pain, but it stopped the complications of existing.  
_Why? Why? Why? Wasn't there a reason? Nothing's wrong, except for everything._  
When they got home, she silently carried in her stuff and crept into her room, holding herself like fragile. Okay. Home free and all. She should feel better or something. Feeling pointless, she hid herself under the covers and let go of her tension.  
She was a useless slab of meat. How soon could she throw herself away?  
It hurt. Though it hurt less now, she guessed. Her face still felt stiff and emotionless. Coming back to life felt like too much work.  
Instead she just got her phone and went on social media. It was good to be distracted.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She was glad to be shaken out of her loop when the doorbell rang. Alex pulled herself up, feeling frazzled and tired, and went to get it.  
She opened the door and gasped!  
"What are _you_ guys doing here?"  
"We're your _friends_ _!"_ answered Sam, grinning.  
"Welcome back!" said Clover, grinning.  
Rainbow buds popped up in Alex's dead, grey garden.  
Alex pulled them both into a hug at once. Warmth washed over her corpse. After she released them she staggered back a bit.  
"You must be _so_ tired!" said Sam. Bubbles popped in front of Alex's eyes.  
"You've gotta relax," declared Clover, marching Alex into her own house. "You wanna just go to bed? You need a snack? Some tea?"  
Alex's stomach answered.  
"Alex!" gasped Sam. "Have you eaten??"  
"Guess not," she admitted.  
"Come _on!"_ Clover strong-armed her into the kitchen.  
"What would you like?"  
Alex got totally dizzy and sat down on a chair at the dinner table.  
"I'm gonna make a smoothie," said Clover.  
"Great idea," Sam agreed. She went to the cupboards to rummage for the blender.  
Alex watched Clover sashay across the room to the fridge, her short blonde hair swishing behind her. She couldn't help but smile a little. Her tired mind stalled on just this: Clover was pretty. Smiling.  
"What kind of yoghurt do you want?" said Clover before making the decision herself. "What kind of fruit?" She pulled out frozen strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, mango, and two bananas out of the wireframe drawers. "Do you have any ice cream?" Clover found a big tub of Moose Trax, hoisted it out and thunked it onto the counter. "We _could_ just eat this."  
"I'd like a smoothie," Alex confirmed softly and pleasantly. She was regaining not just her voice but her bearing and her sense of her body, and right now she felt like a vulnerable little kid, and it was okay to show that to them.  
Clover started pouring things into the blender, fruits shuffling out of packages, ice cream captured in a scoop. Sam came over and sat across from Alex, not across the table but directly in front, their chairs turned sideways toward each other. "So how do you feel?" she asked sympathetically.  
Alex, in a small, submissive posture - knees brought together, arms straight with hands on knees - looked up...  
"Better," she said weakly.  
"Honey." Sam reached out for another hug, Alex took her up on it, leaning into her; her tears had just started, and now continued at full force. They came out of her eyes that were clenched tight shut and they wet the same trails on her face again and again. She sobbed into her girlfriend's shoulder, feeling the thick fabric of her fleece jacket against her face, with her arms around her neck. But she was crying for catharsis. Not an exercise of sadness, but a release of it. She felt Sam's hand petting her head, stroking her hair, just slow and constant. Just here for her. And really, really, nothing was wrong, and everything wasn't wrong either, and the only sickness in her stomach was residual, she was pretty sure, just fading.  
When they broke away, Clover was suddenly ready with a smoothie. She skipped over and placed the blender's detachable pitcher heavily on the table, her hand over the lid to stop it spilling. Then she took off the lid with a chef's flourish.  
"Don't we need cups?" asked Alex, amused.  
"Not hardly," grinned Clover, holding up three straws.  
Alex laughed.  
Clover put the three straws in the pitcher and they all just leaned in. Alex took a sip from the straw and, at her first taste, underwent a religious experience. Clover and Sam could see it on her face and they both laughed.  
"You have to feed yourself better!" Sam admonished.  
_"Mmmm."_ Alex moaned in delight. The drink tasted almost as good as friendship.  
"You're welcome," smiled Clover before taking a sip.  
Alex looked at them with affection, up close and personal over the shared pitcher of smoothie. "Thanks, girls," she said, with feeling. She sounded like herself.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In a world where girls fought other things than international conspiracies, three girlfriends kept each other safe.


End file.
